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young_adam's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
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Say goodbye and sail away For my heart is gone for today And replaced with a stone so cold it burns And makes the soul fade to grey Stop the blackened tears that fall Because they carry sorrow to the ground And roll slowly onto the dirt And wet the ashen muddy mound Let the bells ring away Cause my heart is gone for today And replaced with an empty locket That once had hope and dreams Inscribed in its golden leaf
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Harrowing and getting to the point, but alas it doesn’t flow. It has potential, but the darkened feelings invade the poem making it hard to read without a grimace. Try to ease up on the; although eloquent use of language. Never let the language distract from the message.
Such a simple poem, that takes you through a journey that encapsulates my narrow understanding of coming to terms with mortality and the dim views of the older members of the world. This really reads well, so eloquent and talented. With a great underlying foreplay of the infinite and finite all in a single squiqle of your pen.
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