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youngjed's profile

youngjed avatar
AGE: 40
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 07

I no longer use this account.  Check ou wild poetry forum if you’re interested…

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Poetry / Moving on
Version 3
12 Reviews   12 Comments
Its stiff plate creaks. Its stillness Sweats a trawlerman’s grip; A creaking belt, like hunger pain. I walk with it, unnerved by any kind of bed. As back pain never gives me up for long. The weary night’s a crying child. Snatched back, then clutched to dizziness; The slumping need of sleep denied. Its fingertips drop on my skin, Tap ice-cool mercuries of hope. Each touch a pledge of peace. That drums the forehead Just above the skull, each minuet of breeze Might cool my angry...
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Version 3
12 Reviews   12 Comments
In come the boys, all long and lean. Upright and proud, with boyish beliefs Slouched like tongues curled in their cheeks. The tallest one smirks, Like a girl asked him first; Warily caught laughing out loud. He practises, His father watching from a thin bed of iron, Delicate as an old umbrella frame. Defiant too, though wearily clenched. Simply the gang of them, Stretched the length of the stage, Like marchers advancing up dirt roads, All orangey heat and a haze of kicked up heels. But instea...
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Poetry / The Next Call
Version 1
2 Reviews   4 Comments
I. The telephone brings death, That fucked up girl, three times. The first, we get all near; All intimate and night-time hot. My mother talks, some absent minded chat; Then, feeling flushed, just drops the phone. Unclasps and flattens, linens of collision As her clothes recline. Her heart a gangman’s bicep bulge, A hangman’s trap of unswung weight, All slack and gone. Not even time to call her husband’s name. That quiet has no shape. Just there and then not. II. The second call for me: the ne...
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Poetry / Invisible Poem
Version 1
13 Reviews   0 Comments
Some things are better left unsaid. Like my gift to you. I will not open Your review And any credits that you get Are yours for free. Sometimes unheard words are best.
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Reviews
Poetry / My Life
A the risk of pedantry, shouldn't it be: Cried recently, now confused. Died happily? Nice shifts of emotion
Flash Fiction / Magicians and Tricksters
I can't say I know anything about Drabbles I liked this line "To quash the feud officially, each adopt their former enemy's surname" I thought that showed imagination and humour.
33.3333% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Poetry / Cockroaches
Yep, this is fine as it is, it simply tells its story, though I am a bit unsure about I fuck. Its not prurient distaste its just I'd save it for when its important or you want to shock a little.
Poetry / Dad
This is very raw (emotionally) and the language could be played with a bit to make the images more striking, or unusual whilst not losing the message. Its eaiser to try and shwo ths than to explain it, so I played iwth your first stanza. See what you think. You came home drunk again Pissed on the floor. Trying to empty your brain Of the beer store?
My main reaction to this is that its prose, rather than poetry. There is nothing obviously rhythmic or poetic about the language. Its nicely put together for all that...