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zariasmind's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Glen Lyon, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 09
LOC: Glen Lyon, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 09
i don’t take writing classes, and i don’t think i would ever really want to. i just write. i don’t care if it follows given formats or iambic pentameter. i don’t care if it’s neatly cut into quaint little stanzas for easier reading. i don’t even care if it’s understood by others. I JUST WRITE. i write what i feel, i write what i think. format be damned. recycled rhymes be damned. old english BE DAMNED. you can’t analyze the words and say “well, those rhyming words are used too much. it made me feel something, yes, but i just don’t like those words”. if it makes you feel, ok, if not, ok. next poem. it’s as simple as that. my work always has my own internal rhythm that differs from everyone else please don’t try to form it to your own. eit…
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How do you rouse sleeping rebels, Who don't even know that they're caught? They're whispering in the sandman's ear, Beggging for angel dust and happy thoughts. Their wings are just an illusion, The sandman has them hypnotized, He's made them believe he's just them, But they're all really him in disguise. They're fed the need to be unique, So they'll catagorize themselves, But just so they're not too different, They'll try to be like everyone else. Their senses are on constant overload, So it'...
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The path that I've chosen is clear, But it's filled with the traffic of daily fads. The cannibals are swarming with their forks, Over the fresh carcasses of fallen comrades. They're fighting for reservations at the tables of friends, And dining on their crumbling tombstones, Devouring each other with endless stomachs, Then picking at their teeth with their bones. I'm doubting my strength to walk this road, Manuevering my way to the other side of hell, Playing the part of just another zombie, ...
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What will become of humankind? Where are we headed? Will we wake up? Will we slowly fade and give way (or possibly birth) to a new dominate species? No, I don't think mankind has the, let's say grace to slowly fade away. We would have to go out with a bang.Is that why we love destruction? Why we seem to be obsessed with self destruction. Destroying the very environment we depend on. Have we realized as a whole that mankind will eventually die out, and we don't want to go silently? Why can't w...
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What will become of humankind? Where are we headed? Will we wake up? Will we slowly fade and give way (or possibly birth) to a new dominate species? No, I don't think mankind has the, let's say grace to slowly fade away. We would have to go out with a bang.Is that why we love destruction? Why we seem to be obsessed with self destruction. Destroying the very environment we depend on. Have we realized as a whole that mankind will eventually die out, and we don't want to go silently? Why can't w...
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Version 1
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Why do we feel the need for organized religion? Do we need others to believe something before we can believe it ourselves? Do we need others to say something before we'll admit that we've had the same thoughts? There are many things that puzzle me about mankind as a whole. Mankind as a whole and individually are two very different things. Together we are just a giant mob, or a herd of cattle. Is that where our need of organized religion comes from. We need the "strength in numbers". Taking th...
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I think everyone can connect with this poem. I think it very beautifully tells how yesterdays are swept away in a stream. The only suggestion I can give is, don't change a thing.
I felt like I was reading a textbook while reading this. Unemotional. It didn't really affect me in anyway. I think you have good "literary vision", but it could definately use more practice, and more emotion. I thought this was kind of bland. Just my opinion of course.
I thought this was extremely amusing. It's like the poster poem for anti-retail. I thought it was well written and easily understood. If you were ever to consider revising it, I would suggest possible a few more of the "product woes". Bravo.
I'm not understanding why your paragraphs are so choppy. It also feels as if you're missing a big part of the story in between the end of chapter 1 and the beginning of chapter 2. He asked to buy her a drink so where's the drink, they're just all of a sudden having sex? It's a bit of a rush. I think you write well but you need more to it. Your chapters are barely 3 paragraphs long. Even a short story needs some filling.
i'm not usually a fan of poems that don't rhyme, but this one kind of reached out and smacked me in the face. the story of it is beautifully done, and pulls at the emotions.
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