Will you marry me? Geez homes that was intense!! I really really liked it, the imagry and the word choice...wow, *sigh* you've got me hooked.

I don't really have any critisism for this piece, but I will let you know that this is the best tribute piece I have read. It was very well written and had a nice flow, you had great word choice and it was very clear. You mixed two dark worlds which is often over done, but I thought that you pulled if off really nicely. Keep writing :)

The imagry in this piece is amazing! You are so discriptive and I can tell by this piece that you are a very intelligent writer, the flow was a little off but for the most part this is golden. :)

I thought that it was good. The flow was nice but I thought that it was a little unclear.

That was honestly and truly a heart warming story, tear jerking, heart warming, and full of human interest. I thought that you rushed it a little bit though, during a narration a lot of the story is dependant on imagry and how everything is seen through your eyes and I would have liked to see and hear a little bit more of that. So just fill it out a little bit, but ultimatly I really think that you have something here.

It is very well written and full of raw human emotion. I can relate to this, although it was some what unclear....its one of those things that you can feel in your heart that you can very much relate to other people's writing and feelings. Well done.

I actually really enjoyed this piece. A bit on the morbid side but held true to reality and human emotion. The second to the last stanza seems a little bitter sweet to me though as far as keeping it in, it doesnt seemt to fit in the poem but it definatly brings something to the table. Just play with it a little.

When I first looked at this piece and saw how short it was I had my doubts, but it is actually a good piece. It stands on it's own very well and expresses a lost emotion that I think most people can relate to at one point or another in their life. I don't know if I would make this poem the star of all of your works, it's strong but I can tell that you have a lot of talent and more to say. So give yourself a pat on the back for a good piece, but definatly move forward and keep writing...I thin...

It was good but a little hard to follow. I think you should maybe consider a different format. The poem it self and the "story" that it tells is good, and very relatable.

This poem is beautiful. The imagry was amazing, i felt like i was in it. the, "Red juice lava flows down an ivory hillside" line almost doesn't seem like it fits here, but that is just my humble opinion.