zzzmarcus's profile

I think the message is good, but the delivery is too direct for a poem. This reads more like prose to me--take away the line breaks and you're left with a paragraph that would fit in fine in an inspirational or self-help book. I'd suggest either converting it to prose or working on adding some imagery, rhythm and metaphor, etc. to it to make it more like a poem.

The imagery is vivid and beautiful. My critique is that (at least for me) the meaning is too ambiguous. Obviously there's more here than the memories inspired by junk in a cellar, but after having read the poem several times I still can't decipher what it is. The first three stanzas seem fairly straight forward, the last three, where the imagery is the richest, lose me. Perhaps I'm trying too hard or not appreciating it for what it is, but I'd like to understand the poem more.

Sounds like your life story has some great potential, but this is more like the intro to a book or the teaser for a movie. It'd be great to have some more detail! What's the "only available at Amazon" bit at the end?

Wow. This is great. I almost feel like reviewing it would be slighting it. For me the first 6 lines were especially potent. The only line that I didn't like was: no courage to forbear the garments they wear. In my opinion having this rhyme mid-poem disrupts the rhythm of the rest of the poem. Overall though, excellent poem.